two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
