her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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