so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
