I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You took a bar mat shot.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
