I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
