Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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