Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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