Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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