Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
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