Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
