i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
i believe in u and ur pee
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