Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
