Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
