Dual....:-)
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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