cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
