Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
