i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
