Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
