What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
