Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
