i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
