I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
