Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
