I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
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