so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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