Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
