Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
