Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
