They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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