I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
