i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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