Define "chronic" masturbator.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
