I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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