I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Your dad touched me again.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
