fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
