$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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