Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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