You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
