but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Randomize
