I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
