hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
