can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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