you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
