Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
