new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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