my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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