I hope mine doesn't look like that
i love accidental penises.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
