I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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