In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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