I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
