If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
