I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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